The need to feel safe is primal. It overrides the most conscientious and availed willpower, emotional reparation, or soul wrenching remorse. It is important to remember this, because depression is the second most commonly shared side effect of abstinence and recovery. I am talking about the deep dark depression most of those in cessation of an addiction suffer because of unattended grief.
It does not matter what you are addicted to. Substance abuse alters your biological chemistry and requires specialized detoxification, much more so than a relinquished Xbox, ceasing Starbuck’s, or the abnegation of baked goods. But every addiction inspires the creation of feel-good hormones, which upon cessation, leave a mark. How deep depends on your level of toxicity. That is why I believe successful mastery of any and all forms of addictive behavior requires physical detoxification partnered with psychological reparations, coping skills, and attendance to your overall body, mind, spirit connection.
A desperate desire to maintain comfort and security is human nature. Normal. Healthy in fact. It is part of primal-brain, survival adaptation for maintaining homeostasis known as DOSE-ing. Dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, endorphin; neurochemicals our bodies produce in order to assuage pain, stress, fear, anxiety, and despondent mental accum. It is the biology behind every addiction. These naturally occurring neuro-chemicals ease physical and emotional pain while stopping the internal voice constantly reminding us of what is missing, hurting, or too much for us to handle. Because modern life is a pain, anxiety, and fear generating machine, DOSE-ing feels like more like preventative medicine.
If you move from one addiction to another, keep returning to old habits days, months, or even years after regaining control… and-or require pharmaceutical intervention to feel normal, you are by all definitions, an addict. But do not feel shame. That only reduces your chances of healthy habit forming in twenty-one to forty-nine days.
And remember, ‘addict’ is a just a label. A word for communication purposes. Control is in you. What others think of you is not your business. We are simply human beings with unhealthy and unproductive DOSE-ing requirements that need support and understanding as you heal. Not very different from the cardiac patient needing stints or the cancer patient needing chemotherapy.
If you were to lose a best friend, spouse, lover… hell, even a dog that made you feel good every time you were together, you would grieve. Often for years. Nobody would blame you. You would have to go through all the stages of grief before being able to feel normal, no matter how long it took. And people would feel for you, be helpful, kind at the very least. Not judgmental, pious, or self-righteous. The time needed to regain emotional and spiritual equilibrium depends on the length and strength of the attachment. As well as the support you receive along the way.
The CAGE is not addressed in recovery treatment plans. Even while psychologists understand the significance of individual identity markers like loss and the role of grief in debilitating depression, addiction relapses, and suicide. The murderous malaise of recovery leading to severe mental health issues and soaring suicide rates is a public health crisis.
The Sanskrit word tṛ́ṣṇā translates most closely into that thing, thirst, longing, or need to fill an emptiness inside. The ancient belief ascribes three associated yens to tṛ́ṣṇā; (1) physical pleasures and satisfaction, (2) an appetite for existence, and (3) the need for non-existence. It should be easy to empathize because I am sure you suffer from one, if not all three tṛ́ṣṇā. Most every human not in denial does.
Addiction has plagued humanity throughout our mortal history. Our current social lacking aside, and any real sense of security fleeting at best, is it any wonder we are all DOSE-ing our way through each day. Life has been and is often fearsome, arduous, odious, or intolerable. But it is still a gift. One we must learn to appreciate, savor, and nurture.
You must believe healing can happen, and self-control restorable. Once original trauma is redressed and reframed, healing takes place in three ways; immediate, cumulative, and reductive. Which brings me to the holistic approach that address all three tṛ́ṣṇā behind habitual behavior. By restoring the body, mind, and spirit, through causal discovery, detoxification, and nutritional support, we can get to the grief counseling that covers the four paths toward healing based on The Four Noble Truths.
Grief counseling, you ask?
Yes. Abstinence creates a void, a loss that needs to be appropriately bereaved. The seven stages of grief must be appreciated, anticipated, and dispatched during any addiction recovery. Something that is sadly not part of AA’s paradigm. On that note, recovery is a word I use reluctantly, as it implies redoing or repeating patterns; the very thinking every addict needs to eliminate in order to achieve conscientious control.
Second, the bereaved do not recover. They adjust. And sadly, they are forced into adjusting to changes and vacancies and new expectations while feeling sad, stressed, and insecure. It is a difficult journey. On the other hand, the addict is responsible for the loss – deliberately killing an addiction. Such should empower the process of acceptance.
Unfortunately, a void remains a stressor so the healing process must be intentional.
Not until all seven stages of grief: (1) shock, (2) denial, (3) anger, (4) bargaining, (5) depression, (6) testing, and finally (7) acceptance, are intentionally and consciencly processed, is your true-self reborn and you are able to escape the CAGE.
